Sometimes I regard the mother-aspect of myself as a separate, stunted, crippled, neglected entity. This is how I view her: She is thirsty for mothering. Her mother died during her pregnancy, a pregnancy she rushed into as a way to connect with her mother. She lost her mother before she could become a mother, before … More On mothering and loss
Shit, that was rough. It didn’t seem so during the event. I met my ex-boyfriend for dinner at our neighborhood extra-cool restaurant, ostensibly to thank him for all the wonderful things he did for me before I got home. He stocked the fridge and pantry with all my favorite must-have items (greek no-fat yogurt, blueberries, … More Grown-up Breakups and the Green Tara
June 15, 2011 When Brendan was six years old, his father and I separated. I was just finishing my dissertation and felt as though I had to choose between my was-band and my dream of becoming an English professor. I had supported him financially and emotionally as he went on the academic job market; had … More How did I get here? What am I doing?
I’m taking my son, Brendan, to Nepal, for two months this summer. At first he was really excited, but now he tells me that he does not quite understand why he feels so miserable about leaving the United States and going to teach English in a Buddhist monastery. He worries that he will not know … More Pittsburgh to Doha
Oy! Yoga kicked my asana today. I did two classes in a row, beginning at four this afternoon. Throughout the first part of the first class, I felt sick to my stomach, but found relief by finding my eyes in the mirror and repeating my mantra, “I am.” In the second session, I felt … More Tossed in the Waves: Bikram Day 38
My son, my only child, was born months after my mother succumbed, fighting, to colon cancer. She was 55. I was 30. When the doctors diagnosed cancer, I immediately got pregnant. I had spent a lot of my life up to that point doing everything I could not to become my mother. I looked … More Mothering